First off, I just want to say thanks to Troy DeShano over at StrongOdors.com for posting an interview he did with me. Troy is an amazing designer and his blog has some really cool stuff. In fact, you'll hear a bit more about him here on my blog soon. In addition to the interview, he's also giving away one of my Word prints for free! Head over to the post to find out what my favorite smell is and enter for your chance to win a Word print. Make sure to look through some of Troy's other posts too. He's got an amazing story and his Self-Project series blew my away. Plus, he's got a really awesome Twitter icon.
What if Jonah and the Whale fought David and Goliath at Wrestlemania XXXVII?
The book of Jonah tells one of the most popular stories in the Old Testament. If there was a battle of the Old Testament stories, it would probably come down to a shootout between Jonah and the Whale versus David and Goliath. I'm not sure who would win. David is really good with a slingshot, but no one can dodge and hide like Jonah. All I know is that Goliath and the whale would probably just be drinking beers and watching NASCAR.
I wanted to get closer to nature, but this is not what I had in mind
God tells Jonah to go to the city of Nineveh and put them on notice that they better repent or else. After hearing the creator of the universe speak to him, Jonah promptly disobeys and runs away from God. Jonah gets on a boat (T-Pain is not there) in an attempt to get away from God. Sorry Jonah, the Almighty doesn't give up on people that easy. God sends a storm to rock the boat and Jonah finally owns up to being the reason for the storm and ends up overboard and inside a whale (still no T-Pain).
C'mon God! Lets have a Ninevite Barbecue!
Jonah eventually gets spit out by the whale. He does a tuck and roll and lands on his feet in Nineveh, telling them to repent and is received with open arms. At this point, you'd think that Jonah would look into the camera and say something like "Hmmm... do I smell fish?" Then the picture would freeze, the credits would roll and you'd wait through the commercial break for Family Tiesto come on next. But sometimes Bible stories don't end like TV sitcoms. Jonah successfully converts the entire city of Nineveh (according to scholars, we're talking around 120,000 people). Then God says "OK, they repented. I'll forgive them." That is when Jonah gets ticked at God. Why? He's mad because God forgave the people of Nineveh. Jonah points out God's character flaw in this scathing critique:
I knew that you are a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger and abounding in love, a God who relents from sending calamity.
Ooooo... burn on you, God! If I was Jonah, I'd be mad too. Where are the thunderbolts? Where is the destruction? Where is T-Pain?!
Isn't it a bummer when an entire city is saved from destruction?
Taking a page from Jeremiah, the original emo prophet, Jonah says that he wishes he could die. Then there's this really weird part where Jonah is out in the wilderness and there's no shade, but then God makes a gourd grow and there is shade. But then God withers the gourd and... wait for it... there's no shade again. Jonah then reiterates that he'd be better off dead. And after all the craziness in Jonah, the storm, the whale, the gourd, here is my favorite part of the book.
But God said to Jonah, "Is it right for you to be angry about the gourd?" "It is," he said. "And I'm so angry I wish I were dead."
What?! Are you serious Jonah? You realize you're not just just muttering to yourself, right? Jehovah is right over your shoulder and he hears everything you're saying! Even Jeremiah would be like "Dang, Jonah! Cheer up!" God ends the book with a question, basically saying, if I cared enough to give you shade out here, why wouldn't I care enough to forgive the (120,000) people of Nineveh? Jonah, I'm glad your selfish, whale-stinking, ungrateful, sorry little butt is in the Bible... because I identify so much with that butt. (Try to find that sentence in another write-up about Jonah.) Micah, I'm coming for you next.